Aloha and Goodbye

We are getting out of this hellhole for warmer climes tomorrow! Hurrah! I've dealt with Hawaii brain for weeks now. It's bad. I'm no longer able to think critically or communicate. All I do is dream of digging my toes into the warm, warm sand. I've gone through the baby's clothes fondling swimwear and sun hats countless times.
All this woolgathering makes it difficult to work, or run errands, or do anything really. I don't think I've had a real vacation since my honeymoon almost two years ago. I was foolish enough to think my maternity leave would be vacation-esque. Ha! It's amazing how naive a first time Mother can be. I guess maternity leave would be a fun vacation for a masochist who hates sleep, enjoys perineal pain, and gets a thrill from sudden mood swings. I myself think it makes more sense to take a maternity leave when the baby is older, sleeps more, and the body feels less like it was run over by a threshing machine.
But I digress.
HAWAII!!!
Matthew, Ceci and I are flying to Oahu tomorrow for five days with my parents, and then we will spend the weekend on the Big Island with some friends who live outside Kona. Of course I'm worried about flying with baby. If she screams the entire time it will be thrilling for me and all the lucky people around us.
Pray for us.
I might post some pictures while we're there. Until next time, aloha friends!

Our backyard two weeks ago. Spring is bullshit.

Our honeymoon on Kauai! Matthew knows he can only get a bikini photo when I'm at least a half mile away. It's too far to throw a rock.

Beginnings And Endings

The sky was glorious today. For the first time, I brought the baby to the backyard and sat with her. It was wonderful to see her soak it all in- the sunshine, the clouds, the warm breeze and the sounds of the train passing nearby. She startled when a bird sang and looked at me quizzically. 

"It's a bird", I said. 

This is your world, I thought. It came alive when you came into it, and it is heartbreakingly beautiful. 

Today was the first day she held a blossom to her face, and studied every petal (before she tried to shove it in her mouth). Today was the first day she listened to a bird's song, and laid on her back under the sky. The wonder on her face was incredible. It's funny that she won't remember any of her first day in the sun, because I think it will be stamped in my mind as long as I live.

It's hard not to think about mortality when you work with ill people. As morbid as it sounds, today I realized that when my time comes, if I'm afraid or in pain, these simple lovely moments will be my sustenance.It comforts me to know this. 

If my soul was a gas tank, this girl would be premium petrol. 

On The Stroll

Salud friends. I'm sorry that I've been a bit slack on blogging. I have writers block coupled with a blog identity crisis. I'm working on it. If you know what this blog is about, will you tell me? Originally I thought it would be about food, vintage shopping, and my slow transformation into Martha Stewart but as it turns out, it's just about me, my baby, and my stupid feelings. Hook me up if you have any suggestions as to how I can keep this blog interesting.
Anyway, the day has come that I no longer feel comfortable with Ceci in the Bjorn. She's just too heavy, so today I took her out in the stroller. This was a huge leap for me, because when we got the stroller I secretly thought to myself that I would never use it. Why not, you say? Well friends, it's because Mommies and their strollers drive me batshit crazy everywhere I go. Mommies parking their stroller across the aisles at the grocery store, clogging up the lanes at the farmers market, and marching three strollers wide on the trail I like to run. The Mommies in this town have poor stroller etiquette. They drive their strollers like Hummers.
Regardless, I broke down and took the critter out in her stroller and man oh man, it was luxurious. I don't think I will ever pick up the Bjorn again. The sun on my face, the cool breeze, the baby chattering, it was a revelation. I loved it.
Here's some pictures from our stroll.

I had to hold Ceci and drag the stroller down the steps. Not graceful.

Jealous of our flamingos? I thought these would be stolen when we got them. Apparently our neighbors aren't the thieving type.

Look! A sunny day in Bellingham!*

We strolled to the Temple Bar to meet Chef Husband. We had some wine and celebrated the five year anniversary of our first date.  Thanks for asking me out Matthew! I never would have gotten the balls to ask YOU out, and where would we be now? I'd be on the stroll in a bad way, and he'd be married to some other gal, but dreaming about Ceci and I every night. Seriously, it scares me to think how easily we could have been two ships passing in the night. Do you ever think "what if"?

It was beautiful to live 

when you lived!

The world is bluer and of the earth

at night, when I sleep

enormous, within your small hands.

Pablo Neruda

*We take what we can get.

** Also, please send a happy thought to my friend Megan, who is six days overdue and needs to push out a baby. Go Megan go!

Cutie Pie

Jezabel (Getty)

Adorable outfit, pigtails, mary janes. This is how I want to dress Ceci when she's bigger. 

More Swimwear, Less Crazy

I'm reeling in the crazy today. I did not intend for this blog to be a forum for my angst, so bear with me folks. It has just been a very a rough week that culminated in a dirty bird pooping on the baby while we were on our walk yesterday. I'm turning the page today and deleting it all from my memory. 

Anyway, here's the swimsuit I am considering for our vacation. What do you think? I have mixed feelings about paisley. What's paisley about really? Is it supposed to look like microorganisms cultured in disco growth media? I knew this girl in Seattle who got a tattoo of a paisley. True story, it was a single paramecium-like paisley tattooed onto her forearm. It was ugly and pointless and she spent a lot of money having it lasered off. 

But this suit is kind of pretty. The color is nice and the runching is cute. I think the straps will hold my chichis in, and I think I could bend over without any of my badonk falling out. But then there's the paisley issue. It's as dividing as Israel and Palestine, almost. Any opinions out there, my friends?

Strange Days

Aloha friends. As you can see, Ceci had a play date with her BFF this week. The play date mainly consisted of them staring at one another and smacking their gums. Matthew reported that at one point Ceci attacked her BFF, as she is wont to do, in a fit of diaper-changing jealously. No babies were injured in said incident.
I didn't witness any of this cuteness because I spent the week orienting at Shiny New Job. I am exhausted. I am also intimidated. The Mean Little Voice that lives in my head has been on a steady purr all week long. Mean Little Voice likes to whisper gems like:
"You're not smart enough to do this",
and
"Your new boss will see that right away".
I've already considered going back to my old job if I get fired on Monday.
Of course I realize that Mean Little Voice lies. And I know that MLV is my fear of failure rattling the bars of its cage yet again. The history I share with MLV goes back decades. In the past MLV has gotten me all worked up, and then I DO fail because I listened to MLV and found a way to wiggle out of trying anything at all. Because if I don't try, no one can say I failed, right?
It's sick, I know. I intend on spending the weekend over preparing for Monday and telling MLV to shut the fuck up. It's the new me.
In other news, we had a quickie spring snow in Bellingham.

Ick. If you can't tell from the photo, it was a wet, heavy snow. It was a slushy mess that thankfully melted away within 24 hours. At this time of year, snow is just so unwelcome. I'm at the point where if I don't see some sunshine soon I'm going to go Yellow Wallpaper in this house. I've been scratching myself for days in what must be a sign of endless-winter induced psychosis. 

Also, the cat seems to have some sort of head injury. She has a large bloody wound on her skull and is wandering around looking a bit dazed. Why I didn't get pet insurance for this cat I'll never know. She is the most accident prone creature I have ever known. 

This Moment

This moment. A Friday ritual. A single photo- no words- capturing a moment from the week. A single, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor, and remember. Inspired by Soule Mama.

Postpartum Buzz

Friends, I have so much to tell you and I don't even know where to begin. First off, here is an excellent part of my weekend I forgot to share-

It's true people, that is some fancy shit. Because I have highfalutin tastes in my imbibing, LL and I picked out this fabulous wine to drink once we were not knocked up. I slobbered over this bottle for months, and five months postpartum we finally got around to it. LL gets very little sleep these days, so it was somewhat miraculous she stayed awake for our entire happy hour wine session with Sam. We had wine, cheese, meats, wine, pate, and birthday cake! It was a dream come true.

A picture of LL, our husbands, and I on the very night I was impregnated. It's true. I think it was the heels.  

Also, I have one more day of work at Sucky Job. You would not believe the workplace drama that has unfolded in my last week. Both of the doctors I work with left town this week, so they called in a locum tenens. This locum doctor is also known as Dr. Pervy-Pants. Holy crap he is a dirty old man. The theme of the week is perverts for sure. One more day friends. God give me the strength to leave my sharp tongue and weaponry at home tomorrow and on Monday I will start a brand new job. 

Flexibility

A conversation regarding Ceci between my friend J. and her son, L.
L: Mommy, she's kinda fat.
J: She's not fat sweetie, she's a baby.
L: But, her face.

I ask you friends, are fat people flexible enough to get their feet in their mouth? Riddle me that. They are not. Bam. Case closed.

In birthday cake news, viola!

I ended up making lovely LL a birthday cake from Smitten Kitchen. After Matthew's birthday cake success I decided to give the website another whirl, and the cake turned out pretty yummy.

It's a classic buttermilk cake with sour cream chocolate frosting. Yum. I love that little bit of tang in the frosting. I dig it when my food bites me back. My only quibble is that the frosting recipe asks you to add espresso powder to the chocolate before melting it in the double boiler, thus insuring that the damn chips will take FOREVER to melt. In fact, I'm not sure if they ever would have melted at all if chef husband hadn't stepped in and saved the day. All's well that ends well. I got to eat cake for dinner two nights in a row and my last day at Sucky Job is Thursday! Cheers. 

On Avoiding Perverts In Swimwear

After my last post, it was gently brought to my attention that I would look quite boobylicious in this swimsuit.
I suppose this should have been obvious to me, since I've had a big old rack since my teen years. Since the baby came, they have truly become TERRIFYINGLY GIGANTOR (yes, that is the medical term). I have Godzilla boobs, and Godzilla is obviously a lady (As evidenced by the pregnancy induced RAGE and catfight with Mothra).
Anyway, sometimes when I am shopping online I completely forget to shop for my body type, and instead shop for what I wish my body type was. It is a dangerous and expensive habit.
I am not a fan of wearing swimsuits that showcase my chest. This is partially because I've had unpleasant encounters with masturbating exhibitionists, as well as with catty women who felt compelled to ask me if my cleavage is artificially enhanced. Lame and lame. I'd like to avoid any such future encounters.
It still bothers me that as a teenager I had some adult men expose themselves to me. This happened more than once on the beach. Ick. It's hard for me to separate these instances from my bikini, and from having larger breasts, because I really felt that they were pervert bait hanging right there in front of me.
That is a whole post in itself that I'll write another time. These incidents stopped when I grew into womanhood. Apparently as soon as I resembled an adult I lost my appeal for the creeps in my neighborhood.
There really are a lot of predatory men out there, and Ceci will be trained with a crossbow as soon as I can manage it.
Anyway, now that I've got that off my chest I can move on to swimsuits.
My very helpful friends threw some comments and suggestions my way.
K. suggested this one. Lovely. But I can imagine my boobs sneaking out the top.
A. from This House Gets Crazy at Three O'Clock mentioned this one.
And KJ thought I might want to be even MORE modest and go this route. I mean, if any perv tried to wag his johnson at me in this getup, I'm pretty sure God would smite him immediately.
Have a lovely weekend!