Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Day Three

Dear friends, as some of you may know, I had a baby on Saturday night. If any of you are interested in hearing my birth story, let me know and I will try to write it down. It was intense, and I'm glad that part is behind me.
Anyway, now I'm trying to get to know our little Ceci.
She's been home with us just a day and a half. Last night I tried to jot down some observations about her at 3 am, while I was trying to breastfeed. The title of that post was "Help!". I deleted it.
We've been having some trouble with breastfeeding, to put it mildly. Between Ceci's insatiable hunger, the fatigue of labor, and my sore, bleeding nipples I've had some trouble coping. Last night I actually questioned if I brought the right baby home. I was hoping for a sweet angel baby, not a piranha that screams. Today we had a visit from the home health nurse and as I suspected, she hasn't been getting enough milk from me. I'm incredibly relieved to know what's going on, so we can now take steps to fix it. I'm also terribly ashamed for getting so frustrated with my baby. What kind of a person writes a snarky blog post about their hungry baby? I'm going to Hell for sure. She was so panicked, it makes my heart hurt. I think tonight will be easier, and now that she is fed and resting, the house is peaceful and quiet.


  1. Oh dear Emily, it can be a tough time but persevere. Is she latching on properly? Did you get the breastfeeding sorted with the nurse's help? The sore nipples don't last forever, really they don't. Pretty soon you will cherish those moments of feeding. And remember that it all goes so quickly those first few months that you should try to take in every single second of it because before you know it she won't be that tiny baby that you can hold peacefully in your arms and feed quietly. Also, I would love to hear your birth story. I am intrigued in how the system works in the States and what sort of birthing they promote. She looks gorgeous and I can't wait to hear and see more of little Cece.

  2. I posted a response to this on your previous blog post for some reason. Please apply that to this! :) XO

  3. I would love to hear your birthing story when you are up to sharing it. And my mom (and her tiny tata's) didn't produce enough milk for ravenous me so apparently I cried all the time for the first 3 months of my life. They finally figured out the problem and switched me to a bottle and I was fine, crying abated. So don't fret I am sure my parents thought all sorts of snarky thoughts about me and it took them 3 months to figure things out. Only took you a couple of days. I'd say you are doing wonderfully well. And she is an absolute cherub and you can tell she loves you both to the moon and beyond already, as you do her. <3

  4. Em, I'm so sorry you're having a hard time with breastfeeding! It is such a difficult thing to master - both of you are learning a new skill, and it can take a while. It does sound like the latch, and maybe positioning are off if your nipples are cracking (because they shouldn't!), so I hope you got some help from the hhn on that. If you continue having problems, I would highly recommend consulting an IBCLC (International Board Certified LC). They go through really extensive training, and are much better qualified to diagnose and help resolve bfing issues.

    I would also encourage you to check out the forums at kellymom.com (http://forum.kellymom.net). I've found so much help and support there for my parenting and bfing journey, which has been going nonstop for the last 32 months. I know that you have that variable that could cause you not to produce enough milk, but bfing does not have to be an all or nothing proposition. Even if you have to supplement, CeCe can continue to receive the many benefits of your milk if you combo feed. And who knows? If you get the latch/positioning sorted out, she may transfer the milk better, so as not to have to supplement as much (or at all!).

    Either way, I'm here anytime you need support or have any questions. Seriously, anytime. I know how long and difficult the nights can be with a newborn, so if you need someone to talk to at 3am, chances are I'm up nursing Lyla, myself! :) I'm going to email you my cell #...

    Love and hugs,

    P.S. I went through some very difficult times nursing Timothy, and I often felt resentful of his seeming inability to eat without hurting me (obviously not his fault, and totally irrational of me to feel that way, but we're not meant to enjoy pain!!).

  5. And I would love to read your birth story as well. <3

  6. Last comment, I promise! PM'd you on facebook. :)

  7. She is absolutely beautiful. I'm so happy for you and baby Cece and your hubby. Please don't beat yourself up over any of this. Breastfeeding can be difficult and ultimately doesn't always work for everyone. Every baby is different and so is every mama. I cried for months over breastfeeding and pumping and mastitis and none of those tears were worth it. I eventually transitioned to formula. Happy baby, happy mama. Hang in there. You guys will be great!


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