Aloha and Goodbye

We are getting out of this hellhole for warmer climes tomorrow! Hurrah! I've dealt with Hawaii brain for weeks now. It's bad. I'm no longer able to think critically or communicate. All I do is dream of digging my toes into the warm, warm sand. I've gone through the baby's clothes fondling swimwear and sun hats countless times.
All this woolgathering makes it difficult to work, or run errands, or do anything really. I don't think I've had a real vacation since my honeymoon almost two years ago. I was foolish enough to think my maternity leave would be vacation-esque. Ha! It's amazing how naive a first time Mother can be. I guess maternity leave would be a fun vacation for a masochist who hates sleep, enjoys perineal pain, and gets a thrill from sudden mood swings. I myself think it makes more sense to take a maternity leave when the baby is older, sleeps more, and the body feels less like it was run over by a threshing machine.
But I digress.
HAWAII!!!
Matthew, Ceci and I are flying to Oahu tomorrow for five days with my parents, and then we will spend the weekend on the Big Island with some friends who live outside Kona. Of course I'm worried about flying with baby. If she screams the entire time it will be thrilling for me and all the lucky people around us.
Pray for us.
I might post some pictures while we're there. Until next time, aloha friends!

Our backyard two weeks ago. Spring is bullshit.

Our honeymoon on Kauai! Matthew knows he can only get a bikini photo when I'm at least a half mile away. It's too far to throw a rock.

Beginnings And Endings

The sky was glorious today. For the first time, I brought the baby to the backyard and sat with her. It was wonderful to see her soak it all in- the sunshine, the clouds, the warm breeze and the sounds of the train passing nearby. She startled when a bird sang and looked at me quizzically. 

"It's a bird", I said. 

This is your world, I thought. It came alive when you came into it, and it is heartbreakingly beautiful. 

Today was the first day she held a blossom to her face, and studied every petal (before she tried to shove it in her mouth). Today was the first day she listened to a bird's song, and laid on her back under the sky. The wonder on her face was incredible. It's funny that she won't remember any of her first day in the sun, because I think it will be stamped in my mind as long as I live.

It's hard not to think about mortality when you work with ill people. As morbid as it sounds, today I realized that when my time comes, if I'm afraid or in pain, these simple lovely moments will be my sustenance.It comforts me to know this. 

If my soul was a gas tank, this girl would be premium petrol. 

On The Stroll

Salud friends. I'm sorry that I've been a bit slack on blogging. I have writers block coupled with a blog identity crisis. I'm working on it. If you know what this blog is about, will you tell me? Originally I thought it would be about food, vintage shopping, and my slow transformation into Martha Stewart but as it turns out, it's just about me, my baby, and my stupid feelings. Hook me up if you have any suggestions as to how I can keep this blog interesting.
Anyway, the day has come that I no longer feel comfortable with Ceci in the Bjorn. She's just too heavy, so today I took her out in the stroller. This was a huge leap for me, because when we got the stroller I secretly thought to myself that I would never use it. Why not, you say? Well friends, it's because Mommies and their strollers drive me batshit crazy everywhere I go. Mommies parking their stroller across the aisles at the grocery store, clogging up the lanes at the farmers market, and marching three strollers wide on the trail I like to run. The Mommies in this town have poor stroller etiquette. They drive their strollers like Hummers.
Regardless, I broke down and took the critter out in her stroller and man oh man, it was luxurious. I don't think I will ever pick up the Bjorn again. The sun on my face, the cool breeze, the baby chattering, it was a revelation. I loved it.
Here's some pictures from our stroll.

I had to hold Ceci and drag the stroller down the steps. Not graceful.

Jealous of our flamingos? I thought these would be stolen when we got them. Apparently our neighbors aren't the thieving type.

Look! A sunny day in Bellingham!*

We strolled to the Temple Bar to meet Chef Husband. We had some wine and celebrated the five year anniversary of our first date.  Thanks for asking me out Matthew! I never would have gotten the balls to ask YOU out, and where would we be now? I'd be on the stroll in a bad way, and he'd be married to some other gal, but dreaming about Ceci and I every night. Seriously, it scares me to think how easily we could have been two ships passing in the night. Do you ever think "what if"?

It was beautiful to live 

when you lived!

The world is bluer and of the earth

at night, when I sleep

enormous, within your small hands.

Pablo Neruda

*We take what we can get.

** Also, please send a happy thought to my friend Megan, who is six days overdue and needs to push out a baby. Go Megan go!

Cutie Pie

Jezabel (Getty)

Adorable outfit, pigtails, mary janes. This is how I want to dress Ceci when she's bigger. 

More Swimwear, Less Crazy

I'm reeling in the crazy today. I did not intend for this blog to be a forum for my angst, so bear with me folks. It has just been a very a rough week that culminated in a dirty bird pooping on the baby while we were on our walk yesterday. I'm turning the page today and deleting it all from my memory. 

Anyway, here's the swimsuit I am considering for our vacation. What do you think? I have mixed feelings about paisley. What's paisley about really? Is it supposed to look like microorganisms cultured in disco growth media? I knew this girl in Seattle who got a tattoo of a paisley. True story, it was a single paramecium-like paisley tattooed onto her forearm. It was ugly and pointless and she spent a lot of money having it lasered off. 

But this suit is kind of pretty. The color is nice and the runching is cute. I think the straps will hold my chichis in, and I think I could bend over without any of my badonk falling out. But then there's the paisley issue. It's as dividing as Israel and Palestine, almost. Any opinions out there, my friends?